Pick Your Poison

My darling little Miss A was a shy child. She was painfully shy, like the kind that buried her head in my legs when a person said "hello" to her. She avoided eye contact with anyone who wasn't in our immediate family. I swear in the year between her first birthday and her second birthday she spent more time looking at the floor than she did any actual human beings outside our family. I was annoyed and embarrassed by her shyness at times. I wasn’t annoyed with her, or embarrassed of her. Honestly, I felt like I was being judged because of how shy she was and being a first-time mom, it felt like I must have been doing something wrong. It seemed to me that others thought I wasn’t “socializing” her enough, as though she were a dog or something. As a stay-at-home mom, I felt like all the “daycare” babies were at an advantage in this socialization race. I loved her for who she was, but I wasn’t secure enough in my own “mommyhood” at this point to not second guess it. I wanted her to be more outgoing. I wanted her to be that child that beamed a huge grin when the old man at the grocery store said, "Hi there, little miss," instead of hiding her eyes and sticking out her bottom lip. I wished she were not so shy.




Oh there were (and still are) benefits to the shyness. I never have to worry when we are in public. She never leaves my sight. She still stays right next to me wherever we go. She doesn't talk to strangers. She doesn't act out in restaurants. She never does anything to call attention to herself in a bad way. I can definitely appreciate the perks that came along with the shyness. At the time though, I was not completely appreciative of it. I wanted her to not be shy. I thought, “Oh, it would be so much easier if she weren’t shy.”



Enter Little E. Hmmm. I am now eating my words. I am eating my words piled high with lettuce and tomato. I have finally figured it out. I did this. I wished for a child that was not so reserved. And I got it. I got her. I got a super-sized personality and EVERYONE finds it wildly entertaining except the poor worn-out mother trying to chase her down in the grocery store. (Uh, that’s me.) When someone says “hi” she says “hi” back. She doesn’t bury her head. She can be a little shy at times – like say an intimidating person gets in her face. (Like the scary old ladies with chin hair and bad breath.) But otherwise, she’s game for a friendly conversation. She cares little what other people witness of her behavior. If she is displeased, everyone knows it. She will scream until her face turns blue in the line at Target when I tell her to put the Ring pop back. Other times, she’ll put it back and then high-five the cashier. It’s a crap shoot with Little E, but whatever the outcome, someone generally gets a laugh out of her outrageous mannerisms. And at the same moment you can find me taking a deep breath and counting to seven…because I don’t have time to get to ten before she takes off after something else.



So this is my lesson learned: they are who they are. Both of my children are completely unique and both of their personalities have a lot of benefits and some challenges as well. I have at times wished I could transfer traits between the two of them, like Pasteur with a petri dish. “Okay, let’s see here, a little more timid here, a little more outgoing here, a little more courage here and a little less slapping people in the face here…” Alas I am not a genius genetic engineer, but a lowly housewife. So the point is, I love them both immensely regardless of whether or not they greet strangers on a whim. It’s a classic case of “grass is greener.” I had challenges with the shyness, just like I do with the lack thereof. I was peeling one off my legs and I’m running ragged chasing the other through Pier One. They are both amazing, wonderfully special little girls that fill my heart with more love and pride than it can possibly hold without spilling over. I am lucky and honored to be the one they call Mommy.